I knew from the beginning that pregnancy and type I diabetes had to be taken seriously. That's why this time, we were sure my A1C was below 6.5 (actually it was 6.3, but who's keeping track) before we even started trying to get pregnant. That's why this time I went to an official high risk doctor that I've been seeing every 2 weeks from the very beginning. That's why for the first 20 or so weeks my average blood sugar was a beautiful 100....without any nasty lows to blame it on. I felt like I had this beast under control.
Then all hell broke loose, blood sugar wise. Overnight my mornings went from a consistent 75 to a dismal 240 for no reason at all. And that was just the start. I immediately contacted my high risk OB, who said to call my endocrinologist. I was slightly baffled because he assured me from the beginning he could handle this. So to make a long story short, I have been trying to work with them to make tweaks to my insulin pump to tame the beast, but nothing was working. So I couldn't take it any longer, I broke down and called my nurse practitioner that watched over me closely the first time. When she left my doctor's office, I knew that I wasn't going to get the scrutinizing that I am used to, and for some crazy reason...like. But up to now my A1C has been well below 7 and I felt good with my control. I really like my doctor as a person, but she is far from a hard ass. And sometimes that's what you need to keep your diabetes butt in gear.
So Saturday morning I finally picked up the phone to call my old nurse practitioner. I explained that I was now 25 weeks pregnant and my average was a dismal 200+. She is amazing with diabetes math, and made some much needed insulin boosts. Immediately I saw the difference. I wasn't out of the woods yet, but I felt like progress was definitely being made. I thought that maybe I could stay with my current doctor and just work off the adjustments she made. Switching doctors at 25 weeks isn't appealing, either is driving probably an hour to a new doctor.
I know diabetics have big babies because their sugars are not well managed, but I never really put myself into that group. Who me? I test almost hourly. I make corrections. I try my best to be on top of the highs. I'm a smart diabetic who has this under control.
But today was a wake-up call. I had an ultrasound to check the babies growth. And although I enjoyed every minute of seeing his handsome face, button nose, and put a face to all that craziness in my belly.....I also heard the news that I have been dreading. He is 2.2lbs....he should be only around 1.5lbs. AKA: you're doing a really crappy job with this diabetes thing.
|Look at his cute little nose!|
|I love him!!|
So I came home and called to make an appointment at the new endocrinologist. I also bumped up my hourly basals by another 10%, and ate a salad for dinner. I will make whatever sacrifices I need to for this baby to not be classified as yet another "big diabetes baby." But I must also fight the feelings of being a failure, and remind myself how hard I have worked to try and get back in control. I am going to use today's appointment as the motivation I need to continue to fight for great control. But it's really hard not to think that I've been a bad mom to this poor baby already.